Photo by: Chris Aragon
Honestly for a while nothing felt quite true. After having our first baby I was always beyond exhausted, kinda grumpy at times and cried lots. I love her beyond words but I quickly lost myself to the busy. I didn't feel myself for a while.
I struggled to see the potential behind this new season or the lesson that needed to be learned. I felt like I was missing the point.
As Zara started to grow up and I slowly got myself back from maternity leave and back in to the real world I looked at myself in the mirror and looked at a yoga pants, messy bun and pizza for dinner kind of lady and asked myself
Is this me? I mean it is a new version of me. But I love cute outfits and curling my hair and setting pretty tables for guests with home cooked food...but this just doesn't happen much.
I love my stay at home mom days more than anything but it took me a good while to see me again.
Growing up I felt like I had to abandon all of my passions and things that fired me up when I became a mom. That once those little ones came it had to be all about them. But that is not the case at all. That our little ones need to see us full of passion. They need to see us pursuing Jesus wholeheartedly and using the gifts He's given us. They need to see us be brave and dressed up. They need to see us take time for ourselves, get in the Word, go on a retreat, have a girls night. Because we need to be full and overflowing Jesus to them. And that is just plain tough when it is all about the little ones all the time.
When we take time to recharge and get filled up we are better wives, mothers, daughters and friends. And that took me a long time to figure it out.
Becoming a mom has been challenging, humbling and has broken me down all the way down to the very raw version of myself and I have learned to embrace it and love it and live a life on fire for God and my family. I feel alive and well in the midst of a life full of unknowns because the only constant is that God is in control.
